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Tzniut
(modesty) -
what does it really mean?
Webster
defines it as: 1) freedom from conceit or vanity and 2) propriety in dress,
speech or conduct.
What are the ways in which we can have Tzniut (Modesty)?
Dress
In today's world it is exceedingly difficult to not be bombarded by the constant images of what is considered beauty. From the exposed midriffs and cleavage to the magazine at the checkstand, we stand confounded on the very meaning of modesty and how it fits into society today.
Does modesty come in the form of a burlap sack, or a skirt down to one's ankles? Certainly not! But what is so important in Jewish thinking is to not compromise one's own inner beauty by dwelling on the exposure of your outer
shell.
Contrary to popular thinking, it shouldn't be our drive to make ourselves attractive and alluring to other men. For in that behaviour, we take away the purpose for why we truly exist and our value as women. If you choose to freely and unabashedly expose your outer shell, it shows not only a desire to be
noticed, but also an inner weakness.
One must be careful to share that which is to be shared with one's
soulmate - not every possible person we come in contact with (visually or
physically). How you look is an outward manifestation of the value you place upon your soul and your hidden potential. Our bodies, though beautiful in form, are the shell for our neshamot in which to dwell and for us to help and heal the world - not tease it. Take time to cover it tastefully and beautifully, but in a way that will make your neshama and your mind glow.
Wisdom
Use your wisdom not to look down on others or demean
them, but rather for the sake of Heaven and to elevate those around you. Don't impress
people with your knowledge but instead use it with yiras shamayim (fear of Heaven) and not in arrogance. Honestly, when you think you know everything,
you can be sure there is some volume of information lying out there that you
are not aware of - guaranteed. In
Judaism there are many ways to approach Torah and Jewish living. Be careful that you don't find yourself in
the frame of mind that your way is
the only way.
Behavior / Speech
Be introspective and aware how you present yourself to
others in speech, thought and attitude. With every possible way to text, call and email, are our conversations intended for good,
pertaining to things for the sake of Heaven?
Do we participate in idle chatter for the sake of being noticed by
others? Do
we do or say things to be seen?
What
kinds of movies or entertainment do we partake of? What kind of social activities do we engage in - those that cut others down and spend time ridiculing, or those that lift others up and are supportive? Only supportive and productive events are ones which uplift the community and preserve wholesomeness. This is every bit as important as we are noticed by our speech, the volume of our voices and the various modes in which we communicate and interact with souls around us.
Space
and Time
As
a practice, it is not appropriate or customary to speak alone in a room with a
man other than our husband. This goes
for unmarried men or women, married men or women.
Some exceptions exist: a father is permitted to be alone with his daughter, a mother with her son, a husband with his wife, and a wife with her husband. A woman can also be in the presence of two righteous men, but only in the daytime.
What constitutes alone in a room? A room with a door closed and no one else
present except two individuals only of the opposite sex.
If two people, of the opposite sex, have a
child seven years of age or older present in the room, then the laws of tziniut are not
being violated.
What's the point? That there may not exist the possibility of
married or unmarried men or women being led into any inappropriate
behavior. Character and integrity do not
even play a role in tziniut. The
underlying reason behind this protection is to guard against fickle human
emotions; whereupon the right circumstances of space, time and situation, *G-d
forbid* we would be tempted to do something we might otherwise not consider. This safety net exists not only for
individuals, but also for the sanctity of the community. If you consider how many improprieties have been committed in the public realm, and how they could have been avoided if only tziniut was followed, it makes moral, common sense that we should incorporate these principals into our lives.
Dating
and conversation between people can always be achieved in a public
setting. This not only allows for the
most righteous of behavior, it also prevents any inappropriate intimacy which only married couples are allowed to
experience according to Torah and Jewish tradition.
Sources: Woman to Woman by Rebbetzin Esther Greenberg, Ch. 22
How to Run a Tradional Household by Blu Greenberg, Chs. 6 & 7
Code of Jewish Law by Ganzfried-Goldin, Volume 4 Ch. 152
commentary done by Rebbetzin Malkah, 4.28.08
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