One of the biggest dreams for every girl is to "grow up and
get married," to have Prince Charming kneel on one knee with that sparkling
ring, and to stand under the chupah
and watch as her beloved breaks the cup...
Every
Girl's Dream
One of the biggest dreams for every girl is to "grow up and
get married," to have Prince Charming kneel on one knee with that sparkling
ring, and to stand under the chupah
and watch as her beloved breaks the cup.
Most of us grew up with the idea that one day our love story
will play out. With this in the forefront of our minds, we have re-enacted this
dream everyday of our lives by playing with plastic baby dolls and walking down
the aisle with our brothers playing the "destined one." We have watched our
mothers be wives and our siblings growing up under a parent's love. And now, we
desperately long for that day when we will become mothers and wives-perfectly
fulfilling one of the roles that HaShem created for us.
Many of the young girls in my life often ask me why I am not
married yet. "After all," they say, "you are eighteen!!" One little friend was
actually quite concerned for my older brother when she found out that he was
nineteen and still unmarried. She proclaimed, "Eighteen was his only shot-and
now he will never get married!"
I guess at one point or another we all once thought like
that. For most of us, when we were younger, the thought of love was very
"Hollywood." Unfortunately because of this viewpoint of fairytale love, we see
way too many hearts broken.
Left
Alone
In today's society, most of us are left to ourselves when it
comes to dating or finding our future spouses. Today its pretty much known that
when a child turns eighteen they are expected to become an adult and choose
their own direction in life. I certainly do believe that this can and should be
done in a healthy manner, but unfortunately the modern concept of "finding a
spouse" is thrown into the mix of independence as well; this unfortunately has
yielded pain for many people.
In this week's parsha, Chayei Sarah, we observe Avraham
actively pursuing a wife for his son Isaac.
Now Abraham was old, well advanced in years.
And the Lord had blessed Abraham in all things. And Abraham said to his servant, the oldest of his
household, who had charge of all that he had, "Put your hand under my thigh,
that I may make you swear by the L-rd, the G-d of
heaven and G-d of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the
daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell, but will go to my country and
to my kindred, and take a wife for my son Isaac." Genesis 24:1-5
And, reading into next week's parsha, we find that Isaac was
forty years old when he married Rebekah!
These
are the generations of Isaac, Abraham's son: Abraham fathered Isaac, and Isaac
was forty years old when he took Rebekah, the daughter of Bethuel the Aramean
of Paddan-aram, the sister of Laban the Aramean, to be his wife. Genesis 25:19-20
Could you imagine how this would work in today's society? A
father finding a spouse for his forty-year-old son! An odd thought to think
about, but back then it was totally normal and better yet, it worked. It always
saddens me when I see young ladies my same age feeling totally lost in a world
that was only ever imaginary. Sadly,
many parents take a back seat in "match-making" and leave their children
hopelessly lost and vulnerable to pain.
Finding
Prince Charming
So, how do we find our Prince Charming? Surely he has to be
out there somewhere! How can we find him without all the pain and suffering of
the world?
It seemed pretty easy for Rebekah. If drawing water and being ourselves is all
we have to do, then why are some of us still alone? How can we find him if we
don't get out there and check out our options? Does finding a spouse have to be
so difficult? Well, perhaps it all starts on the inside. How can we find that wonderful "someone" if
we don't know the "some one" who is looking?
Knowing
Ourselves
Knowing ourselves and being confident in who we are probably
are the hardest things with which humans struggle. What made Sarah, Rebekah,
and the other matriarchs so great was that they truly knew themselves and who
they were. They were active in HaShem's plan for their lives, how that played
out, and they also understood the "power" of feminine spirituality.
I am constantly
amazed at the power of feminine spirituality. Of course everyone can, if they
choose, be spiritual. But there is something in women that makes us very
connected spiritually. As I have been warmly welcomed into the realm of
womanhood, I have discovered the "power" of feminine spirituality.
We have the ability
to tear down or to build up, to create something great or to bring ruin. We can
become deeply connected with the world around us, yet at the same time remain
very distant.
We have the power to
change the course of a day, month or year. We are able to make a choice and
have it greatly affect the people around us, especially those we love. Our very
actions today-however simple or mundane they may seem-will dictate our futures.
She
said, "Drink, my lord." And she quickly let down her jar upon her hand and gave
him a drink. When she had finished giving him a drink, she said, "I will draw
water for your camels also, until they have finished drinking." So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough and
ran again to the well to draw water, and she drew for all his camels. The man
gazed at her in silence ... Genesis 24:18-21
The Midrash teaches that the reason why Rebekah was able to
draw many gallons of water was because she trusted in HaShem's will so strongly
that she didn't need to lower her bucket into the well, but rather the water
miraculously was filled each time her bucket was empty. Rebekah truly put her
whole trust in HaShem. She was confident and content in who she was. She
couldn't have done any of that without her trust and connection to HaShem.
Figuring out our spirituality can be a huge factor in
discovering who we are. Rebekah was so confident in herself and in the trust
she had in HaShem that she knew each moment was her moment to shine.
This is how we should be too: Rebekah trusted in HaShem so
greatly that it set the stage for miracles to happen in her life. We need to know
who we are and that HaShem will work miracles in helping us become who he wants
us to be.
Getting to that place can mean many different things.
Everyone has a different way of finding who they are, but once you are content
in your own skin, you are on a path in G-d's service and plan for your life
that will never end.
The
Triangle of Love
It is often taught that godly relationships are like a
triangle: the girl, the boy, and HaShem. But, until we meet Mr. Right, it's
just HaShem and you. I believe that it is vital for us to grow in our
relationship with HaShem in order to be ready for the next step. How can you or
I discover that "someone" who will complete the rest of our lives if we have
not yet discovered ourselves and our relationship to our Creator?
Judaism teaches that HaShem sits in heaven as a matchmaker.
Some might have to wait a little longer than others. So instead of sitting
around aimlessly, we can take a hold of our spiritual capacities now and find
ourselves: discover who we can really be and follow HaShem's will for our lives
through keeping mitzvot. Before too long, Prince Charming and his white horse
will be waiting.
Connect with the spiritual being that you are, grow in your
education. Find the heritage that you belong to because knowing our heritage
gives us a background of strength. We need more women today who truly know who
they are. Tamar Frankel touches on this
concept in self awareness:
For it is only by knowing and
acting on our deep inner strength that we can, individually and collectively
contribute to bringing the world to a higher level. We must affirm what comes
naturally to us while we also grow in other areas.1
Sarah lived 127 years of greatness. She converted many, many
souls to the one true G-d. She understood her place as a spiritual vessel for
HaShem, and she used it to change the tide of a great nation.
Rebekah, filling some big shoes, knew that the only way she
could fulfill her calling was to be confident in herself. She used her trust in
HaShem to create her future. She went on to mother two children that would play
huge roles in the history of our people.
Let's get spiritually connected and become ready for what
HaShem will have in store for us, whether that be higher education, marriage,
taking the time to pursue dreams, or mindfully allowing HaShem to work in us
through mitzvot.
Let us also love one another with a greater love, following
in the light of our Master Yeshua the Messiah. Our paths will be made clear
because, "We have the opportunity to refine our consciousness and at the same
time transform the world through our actions and intentions."2
1 Tamar
Frankel, The Voice of Sarah, Harper Collins Publishers, New
York, NY, 1990, p48.
